You know the feeling, you are giddily, you can not concentrate, you do not want to eat and you simply can not wait to be with them again – its love again! It is a wonderful feeling and hits us all at some time in our lives but do you ever wonder why it makes us feel the way we do?
As human beings we are motivated to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness leading to a greater self esteem. The main way we do this is through our relationships with other people especially the ones we love.
We fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. You may often notice couples who physically resemble each other; they are looking for a familiar and comfortable attraction. The fact that they are attracted to us already improves our feelings of self worth and we have a great opportunity to expand ourselves. Hence that initial feeling of dizzy exhilaration.
So it is pretty obviously we need to have a sense of self worth to feel attractive and understand that other people could be attracted to us. If not we miss out on the opportunities to be with someone and for self expansion as maybe we feel we do not deserve them.
Alongside this scientists now believe our brain is program to fall in love to ensure reproduction, most of us have three innate drives. The sex drive evolved to ensure we all looked for a romantic partner and the drive for romantic love made sure we saved time and energy by being with one person at a time. Finally attachment the strongest drive we have from birth makes us seek out a sense of security by having long-term partners who will be there to make certain the children are ok.
When we find the attraction and the opportunity for love some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. Hormones are produced which give us feeling of energy, focus on our desires and continued exhilaration.
So in a nutshell we fall in love in three stages – lust, attraction and attachment - if only it felt as simple as that!