Pleasing Others
Article Written By Beverley
( Clairvoyant | Healer | Natural Medium )
Do you always put everyone else before yourself? Do you worry how others will view you when you say no to them? If your answer is yes, you may be someone who needs outside validation to feel safe, and your self-confidence may be based on getting the approval of others. The problem is that when put everyone else before yourself, you may be sabotaging your own happiness. If you are this kind of person. you tend to attract manipulative and toxic personalities to your life. This people may take advantage of your kind nature. Saying yes when you need to say no, can make you feel angry, resentful, frustrated and sad.
It is very important to be aware if you are not trying to please others and neglecting your own needs in your daily life. People-pleasing can have serious risks. Someone who always please others normally is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They always say yes to things. They are the kind of people that you can always count on them. They usually spend a lot of time doing things for other people. They get their work done, help others with their work, make all the plans, and are always there for family members and friends. It looks like a wonderful thing, but unfortunately, it can be an extremely unhealthy for them. Not only does it put a lot of pressure and stress on who is always trying to please others, but it also drain their energy resources.
Reflect on how you make use of your own time. Does all of your activities revolves around taking care of things and other people? Do you always catch yourself thinking that you have no time for yourself, or no time to do the things you would like to do? If you feel this way, it is time to set some priorities in your life. You definitely can not take care of your own wellbeing if you want to keep to all your other commitments. Saying no can be really difficult for some people, but the problem with living life always having to compromise for someone else, is the fact that by trying to please others, you’re not setting priorities. You are not being conscious that when you say yes to something you don’t enjoy, you are also saying no to the things you love.
The intense need to please and care for others is deeply rooted in either a fear of rejection or fear of failure. Consistently putting others needs above your own can develop into pretty bad consequences. People pleasers devote very little time to taking care of themselves. Their efforts towards taking care of others makes them forget about their own needs. As a result, they may suffer from mental and physical health problems. Because they are constantly under stress, they find it difficult to enjoy life. They tend to silently build up resentment towards their own lifestyle. Because they don’t want to hurt other people they keep their opinions to themselves, but they don’t realise that communicating their feelings is the only way to avoid resentment or avoid having an passive aggressive behaviour. People usually take advantage of people pleasers, and it can turn into a vicious cycle of chronic stress, because there is this constant feeling of frustration.
If you consider yourself to be a people pleaser, you need to get to know yourself and understand what is an acceptable behaviour for you, and what is unacceptable. Being able to identify why you have the need to please others, leads to self knowledge. Reminding others that you're an individual with your own opinions and needs, is a big step forward when it comes to prioritising yourself and letting go of this unhealthy behaviour. There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, staying true to your convictions and doing what you feel it’s better for YOU. Honouring your values doesn’t have to mean that you are letting others down. Always remember that your self-worth has nothing to do with how much you do for other people: there is a difference between goodwill and pleasing others. Kindness is an act done by choice, but when you do something to please someone else, you are usually doing it because you don’t want to feel bad afterwards. Learn to say no to anything that prevents you from being your true self. Your life will change for the better when you become aware of your power to change the things that you are not happy about.
